What would you do, if you were given an extra day?online surveys

In 2008 a USA Today survey of more than 2,000 Americans asked about their work, personal life and the 24/7 war on time.

The results confirmed what most of us already know intuitively:

• 70% complained they were very busy.
• 50% said they were busier now than the previous year.

• More than 60% said they were angry with slow services, traffic and people being late for appointments, meetings, deadlines.
• More than 30% were consistently angered by slow PC start-up and slow downloads.

People consistently complained about the sacrifices they have to make in order to get work done.

• 45% said they sacrifice time spent with friends.
• 30% regularly sacrifice family time.
• Overwhelming 57% sacrifice sleep (shocker!)

• A confident 90% wished they had more time to spend with their family and friends.

Here comes the paradox! All participants were asked what they would do if they were given an extra day.

• Only 9% said they’d spend the time with friends.
• 31% said they’d spend the day with family.
• 25% wanted to have fun.
• Most (35%) wanted to get more work done.

So, most people wished they could have more time with family and friends, and yet, if given an extra day, they would use it to get some more work done?! Is it just me, or this really makes no sense?

The truth is that with the internet, globalization and being able to work remotely, there will never be enough hours in a day, or enough days in a year to get it all done. This really is the age of information. The competition has never been more fierce. Snooze for an hour and you lose. What you read in the news this morning, is already old news. It just seems we can never know it all and trying to keep up in the hamster wheel soon gets us real exhausted and desperate … Desperate to have more time, when what we really need is not more time. What we need is to set our priorities straight, so that if we want more family time, we make more family time. If we want more work done, we get more work done. Just make sure you are consistent with what you want to do with your time and what you actually do with your time.

So, what would you do if you had an extra day?

Image: Miguel77

I rejoiced to see the following article in CNN’s Health Care in America commentary: “Drinking age of 21 doesn’t work.” Finally a sensible statement about the issue. The 21-year-old drinking age has not been an effective solution to the problem of drunk driving, or alcohol-related deaths among young adults. Not only is it ineffective, it might actually pose more risks for young people.

The National Minimum Drinking Age Act was passed by the Congress in 1984 and signed by the president. This Act raised the drinking age to 21. This was government’s reaction to the threatening and growing problem with drunken driving accidents and fatalities. However, this is probably the only preventative measure that the government took and it wasn’t nearly enough. Simply raising, or lowering the drinking age does not deal with the real problem. Young people need to be educated on the effects of alcohol (on behavior and driving), the importance of personal decisions and potential risks. Psychologists attest the truth of the old saying that ‘the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest’. This is especially true for young people, who often need to resist control and authority to declare their autonomy. The author of the article makes an excellent point: “The law does not say drink responsibly or drink in moderation. It says don’t drink. To those affected by it, those who in the eyes of the law are, in every other aspect legal adults, it is Prohibition. And it is incomprehensible”(John M. McCardell, Jr). This can further aggravate the rebellious spirits. In addition, young Americans are aware that almost all other countries (except Indonesia, Mongolia and Palau) either have no minimum drinking age, or have a lower age limit (usually 18, but sometimes even 16).

It is no longer 1984. “Now, 25 years later, we are in a much different, and better, place. Thanks to the effective public advocacy of organizations like Mothers Against Drunk Driving, we are far more aware of the risks of drinking and driving. Automobiles are much safer. Seatbelts and airbags are mandatory. The “designated driver” is now a part of our vocabulary” (John M. McCardell, Jr).

Alcohol-related fatalities have declined in the past 25 years, in all age groups. Yet, the greatest number still involves people at age 21, followed by 22 and 23. “The problem today is different. The problem today is reckless, goal-oriented alcohol consumption that all too often takes place in clandestine locations, where enforcement has proven frustratingly difficult. Alcohol consumption among young adults is not taking place in public places or public view or in the presence of other adults who might help model responsible behavior. But we know it is taking place.” It is taking place in dorm rooms, off-campus apartments or remote fields (that involve driving). Drinking in such remote and isolated places hides greater risks than ordering drinks in a bar, where the bartender can refuse to serve at any point the individual appears intoxicated. If drinking is taking place in a public setting, there are many mediators and people who can react in case of emergency and call 911. This is not the case in locked and secret places where all of the drinkers can be underage and therefore be hesitant to call the police, because they don’t want to get in trouble. The CNN article explains that “of the 5,000 lives lost to alcohol each year by those under 21, more than 60% are lost OFF the roadways, according to the National Institute of Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse.”

The main problem today in not drunken driving. It is “clandestine binge drinking” “A study published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry revealed that, among college-age males, binge drinking is unchanged from its levels of 1979; that among non-college women it has increased by 20%; and that among college women it has increased by 40%” (John M. McCardell).

The bottom line is that the drinking age of 21 does not eliminate the problems or change the fact that young adults and teenagers ARE drinking, even if it is considered illegal. Then, we need to be thinking how we can create the most safe environment possible, so that young people can explore drinking with minimal risks.

About 50% of first marriages for men under age 45 may end in divorce, and between 44 and 52% of women’s first marriages may end in divorce for these age groups.

Rose M. Kreider and Jason M. Fields, “Number, Timing, and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 1996″, U.S. Census Bureau Current Population Reports, February 2002, p. 18.

What do these numbers tell us?
My interpretation is that marriage is no longer the rock-solid and unyielding sacrament it was invented to be. Yes – invented. Holy matrimony and monogamy, for that matter, are human creations that made a lot a sense in a brutish and nasty world, where one faced a myriad of enemies and hardships. However, that was a totally different time: in 1900 the average lifespan was 47 years; in 2000 it is 77. In the past, many men lost their wives to childbirth and getting remarried was very common. Fortunately, short life and perilous delivery are no longer the norm. So, are we unreasonable in expecting monogamy to work for all of us, all the way through our long life?

Does monogamy work? Statistics show that Americans, at least, are not very good at it, and the divorce rate wavers around 50% (just compare it with Japan’s 2% divorce rate).

We can ask: “Why are so many people getting divorced?” We can also ask: “Why are people getting married in the first place?” I am not trying to disacknowledge the institution of marriage, but I am afraid many people have unrealistic expectations, or simply get married because it is the norm. Just like so many other things, getting married and having children is what is expected of you, at one point in your life. If one enjoys a ‘single life’ for ‘too long’, or relishes polygamy, people start asking, ‘What’s wrong with you? When are you gonna come to your senses and settle down?’ Well, maybe it is worth considering not everyone is the marrying kind. Marriage and monogamy certainly work for many, but not all people. The sooner we realize this, the better. In our western society, getting married is still a very sensible practice (tax benefits for marriage, joined savings accounts and so on), but it makes no sense whatsoever if it doesn’t involve an exclusive, committed relationship. Yet, some people manage to save their marriage while being engaged in polyamory or swinging. Still, it is very rare, because this peculiar lifestyle cannot be stomached by all. The alternative for those who cannot abide monogamy, but do get married, is cheating and/or divorce. Hence, the 50% divorce rate and we are still asking: “Why are people getting married in the first place?”

Another problem for marriage, monogamy and relationships in general is the unrealistic portrayal of romance in the media. Many people are enthralled with the myth that they are going to meet one special person (or maybe a soul-mate) who is going to share their dreams and ideals, and satisfy them on every level (emotional, intellectual, sexual). It would be wonderful if you meet this truly special someone, but, realistically, isn’t this too much to ask from one person? Is it really plausible to expect your spouse or partner to be your best friend, your fervent supporter, to share your hobbies, interests and goals, but also to be gorgeous and, umm of course, the best sex you’ve ever had?

Wild and passionate love that conquers all is commonplace in Hollywood. The message in most movies is that romance, passion, love and happiness are the key components to a relationship. Commitment, friendship, cooperation and forgiveness sink in the background.

Many, I’m afraid, begin to believe that romance and passion are supposed to rule and define a relationship. However, when you are caught up in a stressful routine, overwhelmed with duties and worries, there is very little room left for romance. All of a sudden, your heart is not racing when you see your significant other. All of a sudden, you don’t wish to cuddle until noon on Saturday. At this point many people grow worried that the love is dying, because the passion and romance are gone. Many people think that it is probably time to move on – the marriage is not working. Don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of passion and romance, but it is fallacious to expect them to last very long, they are just the ephemeral joys of young love. They might be what brought two people together, but are not what will keep them together. Naturally, over time, your significant other is no longer new, exotic and unfamiliar and you cannot expect your hearts to race every time you see each other. You have adapted. It is not necessarily a herald for dying love or a failing relationship. It is evidence that we are creatures who adapt to their surroundings. The contrary would be unhealthy.

We have become love junkies with serious commitment problems. This is not surprising, considering we are a consumerist society that is used to satisfying its every craving. Leased cars are only good until the next model is available. Presents come with gift receipts. Goods can be returned, or exchanged. You can enjoy a free trial of most games, programs, services, massage chairs, mattresses and most other products. Imperfectly, there is no free trial in marriage. There are no guarantees, or your money back. No option for return, or exchange and nothing is risk free. On the contrary, you have a lot to risk and a lot to compromise. Have we lost grasp of these concepts? The overabundance of products makes us capricious and easily bored, and explains our commitment issues.

Does monogamy work? Does marriage work?

Don’t expect to find a single right answer, just keep an open mind and , possibly, understand that one lifestyle is not for all.

It seems that many of the global problems humanity is facing are due to the fact that our  home, Earth, is being overpopulated. Since the Industrial Revolution, the world population has increased its size dramatically. While longevity is on the rise and the overall quality of life has improved significantly, we are far from eradicating hunger, crime, pollution, abuse and neglect. For a large portion of the world population, one or all of the above are a daily reality.

About 963 million people across the world suffer hunger (The Food Secutity Statistics, 2008), which is recognized as the most severe form of poverty (Hunger Report, 2004). This strikingly big number may sound unreal to those of us who have just enjoyed our delicious Starbucks treat. Even worse, we might have been desensitized to numbers ranging in the millions, or even billions, as we see them in the same sentence with bailout, debt, loan, equity, and so forth. In this case however, the number is as real as can be. 963 million people – each of these lives as important and meaningful as the next one. To begin to understand these statistics better, let’s break the numbers down: each day, about 16,000 children die from hunger-related causes (Black, Robert, Morris, Saul, & Jennifer Bryce. “Where and Why Are 10 Million Children Dying Every Year?” 2003). This means, one child perishes every five seconds, due to hunger. The more specific causes for these deaths might be chronic undernourishment, vitamin or mineral deficiencies, which, in turn, lead to heightened susceptibility to illness (Hunger Report, 2004).

The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC) starts its 2008 Annual Report with the following sentence: “Drugs, crime and terrorism remain three of the greatest threats to the peace, security and well-being of humanity”. Sadly, there is little place to argue the opposite. The number of inmates, in the US alone, is compelling: 2,310,984 (U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2008). This is a 0.8% increase from the number of 2007. However, the average annual growth from 2000 until 2007 was 2.4%. This means we have an estimated 509 sentenced prisoners per every 100,000 US residents. The number of female inmates is also rising, with numerous cases of pregnant inmates, whose inborn child never stood a chance of starting a ‘normal’ life.

When issues like these continue to describe our modern reality, i cannot help but wonder: Why do people have children? What is a good reason to have a child?

We addressed these question to students in an Introductory Psychology class. The responses were truly puzzling: “To have someone carry your name”, “To have a part of you stay after you’re gone”, “To keep a guy”, “To make your marriage work” and so on.

I stood there, in disbelief, shocked to hear what these young and smart people identified as the ‘reasons’ to have a child. Are these really good reasons for a commitment of this magnitude? If we are so desperate to have someone carry our name, aren’t we being purely egoistic? If we need to carry our genotype forward, we are certainly guided by evolutionary principles, but is this a good enough reason? If it takes a baby to make any guy stay with you, you might want to wonder if this guy is worth keeping, to begin with. If anything, a baby can be a strain on any happy marriage and is rarely prescribed as a remedial for a bad one. So, are these the right reasons? If college students, who thought about the issue, considered these their reasons, I am petrified to know what other people might say. Or do people even think about it? Has it just become the ‘normal’ thing to do – a routine of sorts – find a relationship, build a home, have children? Is it merely what our society considers appropriate? Is it something we do to feel good about ourselves? I hear parents taking such pride in the fact they have given life to another human being; people who think giving life is enough of itself and fail to look for their flaws when it comes to parenting. Is this mature and is it fair to the little person who is yet to come into this world and become part of the statistics (which statistics, we could not know yet)?

I happen to think that a good reason to have a child is the desire and possibility to raise a person of quality, who will contribute to society and might as well make the world a better place. I don’t find it trendy and I don’t think it’s cute either.  It is a serious matter of life and the greatest of all responsibilities. For this to be a success, one has to have a good game-plan. All of this, of course, has to be backed up by sincere love, commitment and stability. I do not mean to sound grotesque, or oversimplify complicated situations, but I sincerely believe this is an issue that each of us needs to consider very seriously and make a conscious decision. It would be sad, if something wonderful like a child would be something unwanted and unwelcome. As a professor of mine said: Imagine what a different place this world would be, if in order for a woman to conceive, both parents had to hold hands, look each other in the eyes and repeat thee times ‘I want to have a baby. I want to have a baby. I want to have a baby’ (M.J. Grant). What a different place that would be, indeed. Also, I do not think it is simply enough to give life (any living form can do this). More important is what we do to the life we have given. Do we abuse, or empower? Do we nurture, or neglect? Do we practice effective parenting, or do we fail miserably to connect?

Roger McIntire remarks: “We already license pilots, salesmen, scuba divers, plumbers, electricians, teachers, veterinarians, cab drivers, soil testers and television repairmen. … Are our TV sets and toilets more important to us than our children?” We even need marriage licenses! Then, why do we assume that our right to be parents is absolute and why do we take it so lightly? It is not an absolute right, it ought to be a privilege. Roger McIntire suggests further that licensing parents could be as simple as when you turn 18, you get the book and study it or take the course, then you take the written test, and the eye test, and if you pass, you get a beginner’s license, then you do some hands-on child care for maybe six months under the guidance of a licensed parent, and if you pass that part, you get your license, and if you don’t, maybe you try again in a while. We do it for almost anything else, why should this serious matter be any different?

There are millions of people in this world, who suffer starvation, diseases, low quality of life; millions of people who are being killed, abused or otherwise traumatized. If we are going to bring one more such life into the world, we have plenty already – why not try to take care of one of those.

The creation of life is a moral matter and requires serious moral examination, so ask yourself: Why have children?

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The movie “The Impact of Global Warming” was a convincing portrayal of the numerous effects that Global warming can have on our planet. Even more, the movie demonstrates that some of the issues are already unfolding, ready to claim their victims. After investigating threatening phenomena from different corners of the world and raising the flags in Africa, Alaska, USA, Ethiopia and Bangladesh, the documentary grasps immediate attention and asks for solutions and alternatives.

Fishing is a central part not only of Alaska’s cultural background, but also of its economy. However, the movie reports that “the times of plenty seems to be over”, especially as far as salmon is concerned. A local fisherman shares with disappointment: “Big fat salmon is gone.” The temperature of the water has risen with 0,6^oC and while this may not seem a lot to us, it is significant for fish in certain regions. This causes the tradition to gradually fade and stands for the economic difficulties as there is reported decline in salmon catch by one tenth.

Still enjoying the beauty and wilderness of Alaska, the crew of this documentary cannot but show us that many areas of the forests are diseased because of the insect Spruce Beetle. Normally, the creature would be seen in much warmer areas, but now, because of the onset of global warming, it is eating Alaska’s forests. Besides, now the insects are capable of reproducing much faster because of the temperatures (which appear to be ultimate for its survival).

Next, the cameras’ focus moves to Montana, US – probably the most untouched and pristine region in the whole United States that is known for having many glaciers. However, many of the glaciers are now lost for good. A retrospect from the last 150 years reveals that about one half of the pure glaciers are now gone. Seeing fewer and fewer glaciers is easily explained by the higher average temperatures, especially in the summer season. Looking at the same photograph points, but in different time periods, one can see the huge ice masses gradually disappearing…A sad fact indeed.

Yet, it is not only the wilderness, but also the highly populated beaches and coastal areas that suffer the effects of global warming. Many areas are at risk of being

severely flooded. In case of a hurricane, the cities get easily under water. In addition to this, there is even more erosion and in more rapid rates. The documentary interviews people whose homes got flooded and almost destroyed. As the movie points out, trillions of dollars in real estate only are at risk, primarily because of the effects of global warming.

Afterward, the movie tells the story of Bangladesh, a highly populated area of mainly farmers and people who have no other place to go. The huge amounts of rainfalls and flooding only add more pain and misery to the life of the poor population that does not have the means to fight the hazards of nature. Of course, while the most highly developed nations are responsible for the emissions of C₂O in the atmosphere, it is the poor nations that have to pay for it first, with the highest of price – human life.

The movie, next, points out that global warming does not only have environmental impacts, but also affects our health, as well as the health of our children, who are the most vulnerable part of the human population. Nowadays we are witnessing an asthma epidemic that claims more and more victims and that seems to be related to pollution and higher amounts of C₂O in the atmosphere. In addition, global warming encourages very dangerous pests and bacteria to conquer more and more new territories. In this way, Etiopia was, quite recently, attacked by a Malaria epidemic. Such cases could be severe, considering that the local population does not have immunity for the disease and has hardly ever expected such an enemy to attack. This, the authors of the movie remind us, is not confined in Africa only, but is a general phenomenon.

The “Impact of Global warming” really makes us realize the fact that global warming is not only universal, but it is also all-inclusive. Just like a cancer on our planet, it affects each and every one of us and is quite capable of reaching every field of human activity and, therefore, should never be underestimated, ignored or denied as the burning issue and main challenge of our time.

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Mothers who endanger the health and well being of their children are considered deviant, possibly, in almost all cultures in the world. Certainly, this is a sensitive and loaded topic that normally provokes strong societal response. The labeling of a deviant mother often involves the legislative system, child services and other governmental organizations. Beyond doubt, most people will agree it is absolutely deviant for an expectant mother to drink alcohol. However, is drinking during pregnancy a discussed issue in our society? Do we just assume that everyone is aware of the medical research on the negative effects of alcohol? Do we simply expect pregnant women to be responsible?

An adult’s decision making on behalf of a minor should serve the best interest of the child. The same should be true for a mother’s decisions that might affect her inborn baby. This is not a matter of personal choice anymore, as, inevitably, another life is to be affected.

Scientists explain, there are many poisonous substances – teratogens – that could be endangering the life of a fetus that is particularly vulnerable in this early stage of prenatal development. Alcohol is the most common teratogen (National Task Forces on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Fetal Alcohol Affects, 2002). Teratogenic exposure of alcohol may cause Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE).

The life of the inborn child that is ‘poisoned’ with the alcohol can be severely impaired by a debilitating disorder such as FAS. With this syndrome, the alcohol ingested during pregnancy affects the normal development of the baby. Facial features are particularly vulnerable to change, especially the situation and opening of the eyes, ears and the upper lip of the baby.

Even if the newborn looks unharmed, alcohol could have still affected the brain, and more specifically the Central Nervous System, causing hyperactivity, poor concentration, impaired spatial reasoning, and mental retardation (Streissguth & Conner, 2001). In addition, the child has a slow physical growth and relatively small stature, compared to peers. The poor coordination, mental retardation, poor reasoning and judgment could profoundly affect the life of the child, making even the simple daily activities an impossible burden. Even if the condition of the child is not severe, there are, certainly some differences.

Alcoholics’ children who have never had a drink on their own still show distinct brain patterns that can only be compared to those of alcoholic adults (Agarwal, 2001). Scientists warn that children affected by FAS are at much greater risk of psychiatric problems. Also, they are more likely to engage in criminal behavior. Statistics reveal that more than 50% of children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome grow up to have trouble with the law. Many of the shocking homicide cases that have been covered in the press have involved a person, who was diagnosed with a Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

On a macro level, it is shocking to learn how many people are affected directly, and how many more suffer the consequences around them. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, 1 out of 500 children is “damaged” in certain degree because of the irresponsible alcohol consumption of the mother. Many of these children require special help and need to be included in specialized programs that yearly cost billions of dollars. Many of the children require special educations and face the Juvenile Justice System. By no means should this issue be underestimated, especially when data demonstrates a threatening growth of the rate of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome each year.

Scientist and physicians are not certain as to what amount of alcohol is dangerous. Some still advice pregnant women to have a glass of red whine, while others are strictly against such practice, saying: “No amount of alcohol is safe for the fetus.”

When a pregnant woman is drinking, do we have the right to intervene? Could we enforce our understanding and concern? As far as I know, there are no laws prohibiting ‘pregnant drinking’ although it does not sound to me like a bad idea. The irony is we try to protect young people from alcohol until the age of 21, but that is virtually  useless if we do not protect them prenatally.

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